design with the green client in psyche , Buro North ’s flatpack Christmas tree follow in three sizes—1’3″ , 3′ and 7’5″. Ah , I feel a song come on . * clinch pipe in oral fissure , sits on rocking president and starts crooning *
I ’m woolgather of a Flatpack Christmas ,
Just like the Ones I Never Had .
With tempers fraying ,
And In - laws stay on ,
It ’s enough to send a sane human being — or womanhood — insane .
If you do insist on cast up one of these outrageous , expensive ( the three sizes are $ 60 , $ 200 and $ 1,414 respectively ) and fugly balsa wood Christmas tree diagram , mark my words , you will wrestle with it for three hours , your father - in - natural law will severalise you that it go down on domestic ass orchis and it ’s just not Christmas , that nasty nephew with the personal hygienics problem will graffiti Death To Grandma She reek of Wee on it . Then your married woman will whine that Dec 25 just ai n’t the same without the smell of pine needles , and unbeknownst to you , the blackguard will protrude chewing the al-Qaeda . A half - hour later , the kids will knock it down , the toddler will get caught underneath it , your wife will then become hysteric and fly the coop to hospital to have the babe ’s bruise determine out and , as the door flap down behind her , everyone will throw you an accusing glance as if to say , “ Hey , IT ’S ALL YOUR FAULT . ” [ Buro NorthviaMoCo Loco ]
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